Vatican City-- A very stoned Pope Benedict XVI has just beatified rock legends John Lennon and Paul McCartney by mistake. The stoner pope smoked too much weed before the ceremony, and confused John and Paul with Pope John Paul II. The beatification ceremony makes both musicians eligible for sainthood at a later date.
It didn't seem to matter to the pope that neither John or Paul were Roman Catholics, or that Paul is still alive.
"Well Paul looks dead. Only dead people have orange hair like that." said Pope Benedict. "And they were both more popular than Jesus, at least for a short time, so I think they deserve it."
The pope smoked some more weed, and then decided that his 'mistake' was inspired by Heaven, and he wouldn't reverse his decision.
"I'm infallible, you know." he stated, as he exhaled a giant plume of gray smoke. "Besides, 'Rubber Soul and 'Sgt. Pepper' were two of the biggest miracles of the last century. So there!" he exclaimed.
The stoner pope, or the 'poper stone' as he is also known, decided to save the beatification of Pope John Paul II for another day.
"Who cares about some old dead guy from Poland??" he said. "What did he ever sing??"