London - With the wedding bells all but rung, many are wondering when Kate Middleton and Prince William will get down to brass tacks. While many think the Honeymoon Night has been completely hidden, I was there when Donald Trump today divulged he has exclusive video rights to the Royal couples first intimacy as a married couple.
"Everyone has their price," said Trump, "Besides, Kates not really British and may be the daughter of Barack O' Bama, I simply threatened to release what I don't know."
The video feed schedule is as follows:
1am - Phillip attempts to carry Kate Middleton over the threshold of their suite door at Trump Towers. This is followed by 30 more attempts, with the Bell hop finally being tipped to complete the task.
2am- Phillip drinks some champagne from Kate's wedding slipper and spends the next hour with his head in the toilet puking wedding cake.
3am- Phillip returns to bed where Kate gives him a good wholliping with a riding quirk.
4am- Both collapse from exhaustion failing to achieve full nudity.
Yes this is just conjecture at this point, but if you are salivating to see it all just go to trumpet.web and look for the link to All Things Royal.