The seating arrangements for the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton have today been published on the website Willieleaks, bringing with it a host of surprises, together with some unexpected guests, also officially termed as surprises.
It seems that the happy couple have relented, and the Duke of Edinburgh will be allowed to attend, despite the number of foreign nationals, in particular Chinese Embassy officials, attending the event. However, while the main party takes place at Buckingham Palace, no one has in fact told Prince Philip, and he will be heading off to Windsor Castle.
Sadly, President Muammar Gadaffi has had to decline, the official reason being "he wasn't going to pay that bloody O'Leary of RyanAir £12 for seat reservations, £30 for luggage, £4 to watch the safety video, £1 to go to the toilet and £6 to use his credit card on top of the £49 each-way fare quoted on the website".
Also offering a polite refusal to attend the wedding were Michael Jackson and Elizabeth Taylor who sent their apologies claiming that due to being deceased they would be unable to make it, although space-cadet and man from a different planet, L Ron Mother Hubbard of the financial consultants and banking institution 'Scientologists' said he didn't wish to appear a total cult by not attending the event, although he has been called worse.
Abu Hanza has also politely declined, as his hook is in for its annual MOT. However he has sent the Royal couple a delightfully-wrapped present which is currently being opened at a distance on their behalf by a robot from the Royal Artillery Bomb Squad.
And the usual cat-fight has broken out over seating arrangements. Mr and Mr Elton John are both complaining that they are not too happy with being seated beside Julian Clary and Graham Norton, while Jordan claims there is not enough room between guests to enable her to turn around in animated conversation without knocking her neighbouring guest of their chair. She is appealing for more chest room, although some of her fellow guests think she is not the least bit appealing.