Written by Neil Levine
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Wednesday, 12 October 2005

image for Oprah Winfrey Decides To Run
Oprah Wants To Make Nice

Chicago, Chicago, That Wonderful Town---Oprah Winfrey, the fabulously famous, vastly intriguing and fantastically wealthy talk show hostess, is ready to announce that she is ready to Run A NASCAR Speedway Marathon: For The First Care Giving Leader If Not President Of All The States, Let Alone The World. Joining what is a selective field of potential leaders who promise to solve every little problem from the high cost of energy to the failure of the world's schools to help Johnny get a glamorous job like the one Oprah pretends not to be doing.


Having watched George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Kofi Annan for what seemed an eternity but was at least five years, she is convinced she can do just as well, if not better, and is growing very tired of merely giving advice, making donations and watching the world spin around and around and not stopping in any place she really cares about.


She figures if she can match wits with tough media mavens, she is ready to do better things with her time and there is plenty of time to do better in.


"I know all the important issues from polite little household hints to how to write and sell a book. I've covered them all. Learned a lot from experts and just talkative guests. But I have covered a lot of territory. It isn't easy, baby, trust me. But I have done it all and can do more of it again if given a decent chance," says the indefatigable Oprah.


"I already give advice to anybody and everybody so it would not be much of a stretch for me to run the world, or even just this country. I will start by pointing out the location of the local national government office, explain where the fully detailed benefits brochures are and go on from there."


"I already have a very capable household staff and can get the word out when the word needs to be out. I can do what needs to be done and then some."


"I have experience entertaining and dealing with personal crises and getting the job done."


"To relieve tension and to make it clear to all the folks I am just plain folks I will allow myself to be filmed jogging and hanging and party going, after all, in politics, it is all party, party, party."


"Don't forget that what is good for Oprah is good for you and what is good for you is certainly good enough for Oprah."


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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