Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 28 April 2011

image for Royal Wedding Has Already Been Held 'Behind Closed Doors'
Oh, no you don't, Towelheads!

There were scenes of 'utmost discontent' in the area around Buckingham Palace this morning, when it was announced in a statement that the Royal Wedding of Prince William and his bride Kate Middleton had already taken place behind closed doors at a secret location yesterday.

The move was made to thwart any potential threat from terrorists who might have tried to disrupt the ceremony by blowing themselves up in the vicinity.

The decision to bring the wedding forward was made by the head of secret services, but with the organisation being so secret, I cannot provide you with his name.

Outside the Palace gates this morning, well-wishers reacted angrily, and forgot all about well-wishing.

One lady who had travelled from Scotland to be at the event of the century, said:

"Am flabbergasted! Av bin campen here since last Tuesday, just to get a good view of the cherub's wee dress. Noo it's all bin for nuthen!"

Others were similarly displeased. Martin Shuttlecock, who had come from Salford and Winchester, told us:

"I'm off to the pub!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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