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Topics: Drugs, Paris

Friday, 7 October 2005

Jim Morrison, lead singer with cult 60s band ‘The Doors' has been found alive, well and living in the English town of Woking. The American singer was believed to have died on 3 July 1971 of a drugs overdose whilst in the bath of his Paris apartment. However it has been revealed that Morrison was spotted buying sausages at the Woking branch of Safeways early on Thursday morning with his girlfriend Pamela Courson, who herself was also presumed dead until now.

The pair were confronted at the deli counter by avid fan David McDavids who had always refused to believe the circumstances surrounding Morrison's mysterious demise thirty-four years ago:
"I knew it was Jim," said an excited McDavids, "I mean he's cut his hair and he wasn't wearing leather trousers but I just knew. It was when he started whistling Riders on the Storm over by the cheese counter that I finally began to realise who he was."

Jim and Pam beat a hasty retreat to their Vauxhall Vectra in the car park but by then it was too late. A crowd of balding old hippies in Grateful Dead t-shirts and a group of angst-ridden teenagers had already gathered next to the pasta sauces in aisle four to gawp at the one-time ‘Lizard King'.
"We couldn't quite believe it was him," said George McGeorge, a self-confessed Doors aficionado, "but after David confronted him he shouted out ‘this is the end' before abandoning his trolley and running for the exit with Pam."

By this time the press had been alerted and were able to follow the Morrisons back to their home - Hyacinth House - in Willow Tree Terrace, Woking. After initially refusing to emerge Jim Morrison eventually broke on through to the other side of his front door to give the following statement to the waiting throng of reporters:
"I did not die in 1971. The coffin that was buried in Pere LaChaise cemetery, and at which so many pilgrims came to pay their respects, was filled with shoes, shampoo bottles and an old shop mannequin. Pamela and I spent four years waiting for the sun in Morocco before moving to England were I worked as a milkman here in Woking before retiring two years ago. People are strange and what I did was not ordinary but I hope my fans will forgive me."

With that Morrison refused to answer any further questions and retreated inside…

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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