Written by Honey West
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Wednesday, 20 April 2011

image for Liz Taylor White Diamonds Perfume Removed From Stores
White Diamonds - Useful For Pest Removal

With Dame Elizabeth Taylor gone, stores worldwide have finally been able to remove her signature scent White Diamonds perfume from their shelves.

A top department store in London, as well as upscale stores in Beverly Hills and as far away as Bangkok and Burma have issued statements about the White Diamonds removal.

"We've had complaints for years about the stuff but our hands were tied. Dame Elizabeth, or "the slutty husband stealer" as we liked to call her, had a lot of clout behind the scenes. We even tried to reformulate the stenchy crap but it just couldn't be done."

Reportedly, White Diamonds smells like a mix of old lady, tuberoses, vodka and jasmine with a distressing hint of convalescent home as a cloying undertone. Men who purchased White Diamonds for special occasions as gifts for their wives usually found it sitting untouched for years at a time.

One woman who wished to remain anonymous said, "I only kept the bottle to sell on Ebay when Liz kicked the bucket."

Another woman in upstate New York said that on the one occasion when she wore White Diamonds to a wedding, she was not permitted to attend the after dinner reception. The bride told me I stank too bad and had to leave. I dumped the rotten stuff down the drain,"

If you own a bottle of White Diamonds perfume, the contents have proved useful for killing ants and other household pests when poured directly on insects. A Harrod's spokesman said, "For God sake's, if you have any of it, please don't wear it. Respect the noses of the innocent people around you."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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