Written by Pariah
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Wednesday, 20 April 2011

image for Department of Homeland Security Seizes Taco Bell
Does this taco remind you of anyone who's gone missing

El Paso, Tx - Authorities announced today that the Department of Homeland Security has seized all Taco Bell locations across the United States.

According to reports, the government will be investigating possible collaboration and provoking of human trafficking into the United States from Mexico. Agent Ima Whitey gave an announcement to the press this morning. "They have been running their advertisements encouraging people to make a run for the border, non-stop for years, naturally, people are going to start taking them up on the challenge," he remarked.

"These nefarious organizations, posing in the guise as fast-food franchises are simply insidious warrens for the propagation of illegal aliens in America," commented a local yokel with a thesaurus.

Another accusation being made by the government is that the restaurant's advertisements stating "Open Late" and in some locations "Open All Night", are simply leaking weaknesses in the border protection at night-time, which is statistically when most illegal crossings take place.

"They tempt them to come here with pictures of food that is guaranteed to give the consumer diarhea, which makes them feel right at home with the type of stuff they serve in Mexico," the agent remarked. "They are letting them know they will not be losing their overactive bowels when they come to the states."

"Even the product names are being used to entice these illegal aliens. A gordita is a fat girl, which is the type of woman many Mexican men hope to marry, as the stoutness is symbolic of health and fertility. In other words, they're leading these men by their chimichangas". Another possible allure of fat women may be to hang them from trees and beat them with sticks like pinatas.

The Department of Homeland Security has also stated they will work in conjunction with the Food and Drug Administration to compare notes in their investigation. "The FDA discovered Taco Bell was incorporating a lot of mystery meat into their food. We are concerned that this may be evidence of how they are disposing of immigrants that attempt to return home."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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