Reports have reached the world through the British red-top tabloid press that the world's oldest woman, Mary Quite-Contrary has died in Somerset, England at 145, just after visiting the Moon.
Lauded by millions of people as the word's oldest woman, Mary passed away quietly at home at a quarter to two (145) local time, aged 101. She had just arrived home having left the Moon public house following a family wedding.
The police don't suspect foul play, as Mrs Quite-Contrary was a vegetarian. However, it is thought that, after examining the television and satellite TV box in her living room, her death was caused by waiting for the recent plot-line in the BBC1 soap "EastEnders" to finish, but seeing no end to it, she simply died of boredom.
Her son, Nigel Bates-Quite-Contrary, grandson Philip Smith-Bates-Quite-Contrary and great-grandson Oliver Newton-Smith-Bates-Quite-Contrary were said to be reviewing their rather stupid habit of adding a hyphenated name each time they got married.
It is expected that now Mrs Quite-Contrary has passed away, there is the likelihood that her family may arrange her funeral and that she may end up in the ground somewhere, more than likely a graveyard, although she did express a wish to be buried at sea and have the President of Iran walk on her grave.