Written by Morse
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Wednesday, 13 April 2011

image for Sun Myung Moon Announces Mass Wedding Ceremony of 35,000 In Parliament Square April 29th!
Long Queue Awaits Moonies Waiting to Pay Wedding Fees to Unification Church!

Unification Church Messiah Sun Myung Moon announced he will be holding a mass wedding ceremony in Parliament Square to coincide with the nuptials of Prince William and Kate Middleton April 29.

Moon announced his decision after being approached by Prince Andrew and his former wife, Fergie, Duchess of Yuk, to perform a 'blessing' and 'reunification of their marriage vows' after deciding they were 'better off together' and wanted to reunite for the sake of their children and to benefit from an increased Royal Allowance not to mention a considerable tax break.

A 'Moonie' spokesman said Reverend Moon expects at least 35,000 wedding hopefuls to attend the ceremony from the collection of 19 European States. Many of the attendees are journeying alone in the hopes of meeting a soul mate currently camping out on the site to enable them to secure British citizenship and remain in the country and reap the rewards of liberal allowances.

According to the British Wedding underground, fees for providing suitable Brides or Grooms for asylum seekers have soared to over $20,000 plus monthly payments of $500 for a period extending up to 3 years, or until the marriage is dissolved or annulled, which ever comes first.

The mass wedding event is said to have caused 'some concern' on the part of crowd control officers in charge of security for the event. "We've already got reports of 200,000 EU citizens plus a horde of Colonists heading over here for the festivities...Allah only knows why" said Chief Constable Ali el-Moussaud Sha-Boom. "An event like this is going to stretch our reserves to the limit, especially since we're governed by a 25 page questionnaire from the EU to be administered to each rioter before we can detain them!"

According to a spokesman for Human Rights, Hoodies are outlawed during the festivities, but Burkas are OK. Knives continue to be outlawed, but broken beer bottles for self defense are allowed. The selling of gold fish to underage tourists is definitely out, as is cooking bacon in open stalls for take away sandwiches.

When questioned about the additional temporary housing burden 35,000 honey 'mooners' will have on the already burdened hotel facilities in London, a spokesman for the church said he wasn't too concerned. "We're supplying a list we bought from an estate agent detailing thousands of homes in the area where the residents don't plan to stay home due to the congestion. The list also recommends a number of locksmiths that for a small fee will open the houses and then install a new lock so no one's wedding night bliss will be disturbed!"

The Humane Society has also issued a security bulletin cautioning people in the neighborhood urging them to keep their cats in doors , at least until the 'All Clear' is sounded by the siren down the road at Scotland Yard signaling that the Korean Kabob staands have been broken down and they have moved on after the 'Blessing.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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