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Sunday, 10 April 2011

image for "Moondogg" Rap 'Sea Cruise' Soars to Number One on Charts as Sub Horror Unfolds in UK!
Moondoogg's Self Portrait on his Social Networking Site Didn't Cause Alarm to Naval Recruiters!

An obscure 'rapper' serving on Britain's star crossed Atomic Submarine HMS Astute (sic), finally got the fame he was looking for after shooting two crew mates during a 'meet and greet' photo op in Southampton!

During the fast moving investigation it can be revealed that the murderous recruit, one ship mate is dead and the other critical after the bizarre incident, is a a former unemployed youth from Woolwich who was 'press ganged' from a back alley near the Portsmouth Naval Yard after he was caught with his pants down during an interview with Naval Decoy, and Head Recruiter, the infamous Pompey Lil.

The self styled "Moondogg", his former name can not be revealed due to a Naval investigation looking into what idiot allowed this miscreant into the service, let alone into the elite submariner program, spent most of his time on his personal social networking site posting rap lyrics and boasting of his violent nature.

Shortly after the tragic event, his latest rap was discovered on his site, and has since gone viral leading to reports that Simon Cowell is now 'more than mildly interested' in having him appear on yet another talent search reality show tentatively titled "Violent Virtuosos" as soon as he is released on bail and remanded to European Union authorities under a Human Rights mandate.

Anti-war supporters are said to be flocking to the aid of the shooter, labeling him a
'martyr and Prisoner of Peace', and warning citizens that they can no longer trust any serving military person entrusted with a gun 'who could go mental at any time .'

The incident has revitalized the anti-war squatters near Westminster Abbey , site of the impending royal wedding of Will & Kate scheduled in the upcoming weeks.

Thousands more have flocked to Parliament Square carrying bed rolls, enough drugs to raise a further cloud over the scene, and loud speakers now playing Moondogg's last published rap soon discovered after the incident:

Old Man Rhythm is-a in my shoes
It's no use sittin' here singin' the blues
So be my guest, you've got nothin' to lose
Won't you let Moondogg take you on a one way cruise?

CHORUS:

Whoo-ee, whoo-ee baby
Whoo-ee, whoo-ee baby
Whoo-ee, whoo-ee baby
Won't you let me take you on a one way cruise?

I feel like rappin; baby, won't you join me,
please?
I don't like serving', feel like my mind's infested with
fleas

I gotta keep squeezin' ', honey, I ain't lyin'

My brain is beatin' chaos and the bullets are flyn'
So be my guest, I've got nothin' to lose
Won't you let me take you on a one way cruise?

I gotta keep a-rappin', get my gun off the rack
I gotta rock 'n roll like a knife's in my back
So be my guest, you've got nothin' to lose
Come join Moondogg on my special sea cruise!

Said one Peace Advocate while pitching his tent, "I dunno, seemed like an all right lad to me, just because he would spend hours in the loo with the door locked on the sub, took to having his body tattooed with pictures of guns, blood, Wayne Rooney and Jimmie Hendrix, no real difference than the rest of the boys I know from Manchester, innit?"

Reports are now emerging that the the Palace Guard and all members of the Secret Service including Britain's elite 'flying squad' have been ordered to turn in all live ammunition until a thorough search can be made of their FaceBook page.

More if the Government Finally Gets It.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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