Written by KEC
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Thursday, 29 September 2005

image for Belgium to be rebranded.
Crowds gather in Brussels

In a move that has surprised the UN, Guy Verhofstadt, Belgian Prime Minister, has announced he will lead an initiative to rebrand Belgium.
"This exciting move will look to focus our efforts on our key target markets. Although we are yet to finalise who that is. We probably need some sort of committee."
The Prime Minister then went on to describe his vision where American tourists would no longer label the country "boring and bring out that old line about naming ten famous Belgians".
It is widely believed that Verhofstadt will bring in marketing experts from Unilever after the Anglo-Dutch giants' successful rebranding of Jif to Cif.
"We want Belgium to be an exciting, dynamic and thrusting brand. We want to move up a level - become a new Netherlands……..without the hookers and cocaine though." he added.
Antoine Duquesne, Minister of the Interior, presented some of the details to an enthusiastic crowd of onlookers in Brussels.
"No Belgian stone will remain unturned. We will question everything. Is Belgium the right name for the country or can we sex it up?" he asked to a chorus of "Sex it up! Sex it up!" chants from the smiling crowd.
He then listed the key areas to be reviewed. These include location, climate, geography, language and colour scheme. Once the rebranding is complete every citizen in Belgium will have an assessment to ascertain if they have the right qualities for the new country.
The Belgians themselves have reacted positively to the announcements, and an internet discussion forum has already been created. Some of the suggestions posted to date include turning the country into a head-turning spiral shape, that the country "be moved away from Northern Europe, to somewhere more socially acceptable, such as the Pacific Rim" and introducing Capybara to the waterways.
Neighbouring nations have displayed mixed reactions to the news. France has demonstrated support for the proposal whilst Luxembourg has sought clarification on how people will get to their nation if Belgium is moved. Joschka Fischer, German Foreign Minister when asked his thoughts on the new Belgium replied "Where? What? …….I don't know. Ask me another.".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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