Following startling speculation backed by photographic evidence of a massive scar on President Obama's scalp that he had 'massive brain surgery,' the White House refuses to confirm or deny Obama is on medication to compensate for operating with only half a brain!
Rumours are flying around the conspiracy blogs today, with one reporting Obama was kicked in the head whilst tending the family camel in Indonesia during his tenure in a Muslim school during his formative years under the name of Barry Soetoro.
Indonesian Brain Surgeons, contacted in London where they had moved after receiving a license to practice by the Labour Party headed by Gordon Brown, refused to comment on the subject saying only, "Now that we're here, we never want to go back to that dung heap. Our lips are sealed....besides there's a Super Injunction!"
Another blog has the adolescent Obama/Soetoro falling off the great wall of China during an education junket funded by the Weather Underground, and during the 18 hour surgery in Beijing, not only was the right side of his brain removed, but a series of micro chips, not dissimilar to those used in car manufacturing robo-machines were installed, allowing President Obama to now paint a rosy pictures of the America Economy despite a myriad of runs, drips and errors!
Since the shocking pictures appeared in the UK newspaper, the President is undergoing more scrutiny. Even his former supporters from the Clinton camp are now questioning his competency citing his frequent stumbling over words like "guns, religion, Bible, Jesus,
Constitution, Tea Bagger, Palin and his inability to grasp even simple concepts such as 'freedom, illegal aliens, debt reduction, democracy , right to work, and 'spending our way out of bankruptcy'.
Concerned White House aides now have triple backups for Obama's teleprompter, along with standby generators should there be a power outage during one of his press conferences, which more frequently are off limits to the Press, allegedly to cover up any gaffes should the remainder of his brain 'short circuit.'
"He's taken a page right out of FDR,' said Regime Critic Glenn Beck, " nobody knew he had Polio until just before he died....he was always photographed from the waist up...if you notice lately, they only allow Obama to be photographed on the left side of his profile...kinda makes you wonder what he's trying to hide!"
Said another media watcher, "I always wondered why the President's head seemed off kilter...every time he addresses the public he has this tilt of the head thing like Mussolini did when he rallied his base....it's always tilting toward the left where the remaining ballast is...can't they put some kind of insert in there to balance his head out....like maybe a brick?"
Concerned members of Congress are now calling for a special medical hearing on the President's mental condition demanding a cat scan, brain wave transmission tests, and some basic cognitive tests like counting from $1,400,000,000 backwards.
"I think it's clear, ' said congressional reformer Paul Ryan, "the President can't add 2 plus 2, if he could he wouldn't be pushing to add another trillion to the national debt where we'll be borrowing $.40 for every dollar he continues to spend! He's obviously missing something upstairs!"
Bloggers are now trying to track down reports that the right side of Obama's brain resides in a pickle jar in the Smithsonian next to John Dillinger's Penis.
Meanwhile, Wikileaks founder Julian Assange claims he's ready to blow the lid off the story with hacked copies of Obama's medical history, recurring headaches, and reliance on
mind altering drugs 'just to get through the day!"
When hearing the latest on Obama, Charlie Sheen was said to have immediately sent a text message to the White House commiserating , " I feel ur pain! Being Brain Dead Rocks!
Luv ya, Warlock!"