Fukushima - According to an anonymous source working at the reactor, known only as Terryachyshumo Gansakifushimi, Tokyo Electric Power is resorting to ridicules measures to block a cracked reactor here.
Tepco is flushing into this leak:
- Styrofoam cups from the Fukushima break room
- Sawdust off the floor of a Kobi beef butcher shop
- Old copies of TheSpoof
- Those weekly coupon fliers that everyone finds stuffed in their mail boxes
- Radioactive wild boars from Germany
in an heroic attempt to end the crisis.
If these measures do not suffice, Tepco is going to convert the site into a giant barbecue pit and roast Kobe cows whole. The meat will then be sold to raise money to build more nuclear power plants along the beaches of Japan.