CCN (Crazy Cal News) Washington - President Obama took to the airwaves yesterday to make a speech on his actions Libya.
"Some nations may be able to turn a blind eye to atrocities in other countries. The United States of America is different. We LOVE getting into any battle where America has potential interests, especially oil, gems, precious minerals, and high quality drugs. With Gaddafi out of the way, the resources will be easy picking."
The Secretary of Defense disagreed, saying that involvement in Libya is not of vital interest to the United states. President Obama, however, went on to clarify his position.
"It's true that America cannot use our military wherever oppression occurs. Given the cost of risks of intervention, we must always measure our interests against the need for action. If a country doesn't have something from which our corporations can benefit financially, what's the use of sending our troops? We're not going to send in troops for atrocities against basket weavers when baskets are a dime a dozen and made out of grass. Where's the profit in that? When we see, however, a resource rich nation of people being attacked, we cannot wait for slaughter and images of mass graves before taking action."
When a reporter asked President Obama about the atrocities the Republicans were taking against his own people in Wisconsin and Michigan which have caused huge uprisings in America, the president declined to answer citing that his primary concern is foreign policy.
"Besides," said the President, "if I go against the newly elected Republicans, not only might they say mean things about me, but also the corporations may refuse to fund my re-election campaign in 2012. I know Republicans and corporations like war, so I'm making this compromise in the interest of bipartisanship. Besides, we owe a huge debt to China and those Libyan resources will come in handy toward making the payments."