Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 29 March 2011

image for Radiation traces found in Skegness, Edinburgh 'and inside the Queen's knickers'
Lend me your hanky, George - but don't expect to have it returned!

Glasgow - A Scottish Environment Agency canteen sausage roll sent the geiger counter ballistic this afternoon prompting an immediate phone call to Buckingham Palace.

"We advise an immediate change of pantiliner, Ma'am," the Government's chief scientific officer explained amid fears HM's recent Glasgow trip saw her contaminated with some sort of toxic sludge.

The Queen had been persuaded to try the tasty locally sourced snack during a Global Warming Awareness Week visit to Scotland yesterday.

She later complained of a gippy tummy - eventually blaming the Montezuma's Revenge Organic Freetrade Dodgy Originals marmalade from Prince Charles' Poundbury Village tuck shop for her discomfort.

Traces of radiation in her urine were confirmed during a trip to Buckingham Palace's high tech diagnostics lav where an array of illnesses is regularly analysed during routine dumping operations.

Palace doctors have now put HM on a 48 hour diet of charcoal, iodine and Werthers Originals Humbug Drops.

Her condition has been described as stable before the horse has bolted.

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