Tokyo - The IAEC announced to a small group of Japanese officials that the Fukushimo power plant will have to be totally destroyed by a nuclear blast from a hydrogen bomb. An anonymous Japanese official went to to say that all other options were considered and rejected, along with
- Running extension cords to improvised sump pumps
- Converting the site into a giant barbecue grill
- Asking people to pee into the reactors to cool them off
- Sending in waves of people to throw themselves on top of the radioactive rods
- Getting cats to cover up the mess by placing cat feces on the rods
"Dilution is the Solution to Pollution", quipped the IAEC chairman during the secret meeting, sipping on an aspartame laced, mind altering beverage. "Once the radioactive material is dispersed, they can get back to making stuff again."