Rome - The Pope has said he's boycotting the royal wedding because nobody's invited him to Prince William's stag night.
Under normal arrangements His Holiness would have expected to anoint the future bridegroom with a quart bottle of creme de menthe - er...communion wine! - and some holy unguents for the nether regions.
All that's now off after the Palace insisted entry to the hallowed nuptial service will be by a high tech tattoo-recognition scanner only.
This clearly miffed Pope Benedick who last exposed the pontifical Rattlesnake & Vulture coat of arms tattoo at his Inaugural Ball six years ago.
A Palace source said today the Pope was welcome to come to the Stag Do if he really insists - but he's already been banned from most London pubs following a tragic water-into-wine fiasco letdown.
"He pulled a Marriage At Canna fast one the other year when Katie Price and Alex Reid got hitched - and now look at what's happened," a Kensington Palace spokesman admitted.
A Fuck The Royal Wedding campaign organiser said today His Holiness is welcome to join in the alternative revelries same as everyone else.
Camilla Fucker-Proles is 109.