KUALA LUMPUR - Malaysian authorities have uncovered one of the largest counterfeit condoms rings in recent history.
Selangor "Corky" Melaremku, deputy director of Malaysia's Department of Prophylactics has issued a statement stating that undercover Malaysian operatives known as "The Undercovers" have just busted up an operation that apparently had been operating for a long time (No Pun Intended).
Corky, as his wife, sisters, and girlfriend call him, reported that the ring known as The Crotch of The Dragon Counterfeit Condoms Ring was caught with 700,000 condoms which had been stashed in boxes marked "Contaminated Tofu - Do Not Touch."
Corky said that his agents became suspicious when one of the agents reported that the boxes did not have that tofu smell but instead smelled kind of like plastic, the type of plastic used in making raincoats, rain boots, and plastic reindeer's.
They carefully opened up one of the boxes and were surprised to find hundreds of condoms in all sizes, shapes, colors, and textures.
The Malaysian authorities estimated the value of the counterfeit condoms to be about $1.51 million or roughly about a 2.14 cents per each condom.
Melaremku noted that the boxes were addressed to go to locations in the Netherlands, Norway, Nicaragua, North Korea, and North Dakota.
The boxes listed the manufacturing company as being The Whale Blubber Rubber Company of Kuala Lumpur.
Deputy Director "Corky" Melanremku said that the 700,000 rubbers all appear to be in good working order, and basically appear to be normal except for the fact that they are all stamped with a smiley face on the tip of the condom.
He was asked by France's Le News news agency what the fate of the counterfeit condoms would be.
Melanremku stated that he had decided not to burn the condoms as the fumes could prove to be toxic. So he and his administrative assistant came up with the idea of taking all 700,000 confiscated condoms and dividing them equally and donating them to the African countries of Upper Shambutu, Lower Zamgola, Buffaranda, Dutch West Wakaboonka, and British Boomboobanda.
Meanwhile the nine Crotch of The Dragon Counterfeit Condoms Ring members have all been arrested, tried, convicted, and sentenced to 87 years in Malaysia's notorious The Unlaughing Hyena Federal Prison where its prisoners are only fed every other day and then it's an ounce of diet water, a Vanilla Wafer, and three grains of salt.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: It is my understanding that the president of British Boomboobanda has been instructed to make sure that the condoms get into the right hands (NPI) and are not misused like a condoms shipment they received last August which a group of bored politicians ended up using as water balloons.]