Sasquatch Ass, Washington - Geologists at the Eatshiti Tectonic Institute in Washington Stare are warning of a major earthquake in the Pacific Northwest. The scientists claim any radiation from the burning Fuck-you-shima Nuclear Plant in Japan will trigger a quake offshore of Seattle.
The Juan de Fuckyou tectonic plate lies just offshore, and it is almost as sensitive as the more famous San Andrea's Ass Fault.
Dr. Yu Suc Dong of the Eatshiti Institute gave a brief, and strange, explanation to the press:
"All of those radioactive particles can excite tectonic plates. The Juan de Fuckyou plate could start doing the old bump and grind, anytime now." said the famed geologist.
"We might even see the San Andrea's Ass Fault start to shake and squirm, if everything goes right." said Dr. Dong. "It could turn into a real geological orgy of exploding volcanoes and hot, burning lava!"