Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Earthquake, Tsunami

Monday, 14 March 2011

image for UK To Help Japan Earthquake Victims
A worried Jap wishing we'd all forget seeing Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence

Several UK charities have today announced plans to launch aid projects to help those caught up in the aftermath of the Japanese earthquake which struck last Friday.

The earthquake which measured 8.9 on the Richter Scale, and its resulting tsunami, have left more than 1000 dead, and thousands more have been made homeless.

First to react was the Red Crescent who put out an urgent appeal for those horrible, flat white noodles that nobody eats. They are the staple diet of many Japanese, and, although many people in the UK buy them as a novelty item from Oriental food shops, few actually eat them, instead preferring to sling them in the back of cupboards until the next clear-out.

Vast quantities of wood are also required to manufacture many millions of pairs of those crappy wooden shoes that Japs wear. Anyone with a kimono they don't need, can now find somewhere useful to send it, instead of chucking it in the dustbin.

There has also been a widespread call to anyone who owns a Samurai sword they don't want, to help replace those Imperial fighting weapons that were washed away in the floods.

Oxfam have stated that they will send "more than a thousand" boxes of unwanted books from their vast overpriced library of second-hand reading material, so that the disaster-struck Nips at least have something to read whilst they wait for the nuclear meltdown.

Other items needed are bowls which are placed on the dining table at mealtimes, into which Japanese people spit. Pigs!

This seemingly limitless 'outpouring of assistance' has come about despite the terrible atrocities that took place in Japan and Southeast Asia during the Second World War. Japan has always 'been into' war crimes, and practised these widely during the Sino-Japanese War of 1937-45 and the Asian and Pacific campaigns of 1941-45, with many members of the allied forces being captured and tortured.

Animals!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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