Written by Katarina Frogpond2
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Topics: chilli

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

image for World's hottest Chilli Pepper Stolen From Military Laboratory
William Hague wants his Chilli Back

The world's hottest chilli pepper is reported to have been stolen from a Government owned Military Laboratory in Basingstoke. The exceptionally spicy capsicum is believed to have been undergoing controversial tests at the time of its disappearance, and questions are going to be asked in the House of Commons.

This particular Chilli is believed to be 100 times hotter than the hottest chilli already on the market and it would be illegal to sell it in a shop. It is licensed in Germany for the extermination of rodents, but in Britain it has been outlawed by the Rat Catchers Union. An animal protection group says it will never allow this substance to be used on mice in this country, so why did the army have it on their premises in the first place?

It has long been known that the government has been experimenting with the use of hot Chilli's in the production of crowd control gases. The chilli gasses are put in cannisters and thrown into crowds, and the pain caused by the exceptionally potent chilli intoxication makes it impossible for rioter to see, so it is easier for police to catch them.

The Government has so far denied that the Chilli has ever been used as a weapon during any crowd control operations in Great Britain. Although someone close to William Hague is said to have overheard the Senior Minister say. "Someone has to get our Chilli back. If Gaddhafi gets hold of it, we're all doomed."

William Hague was unavailable to comment. Colonel Gaddhafi was also said to be unavailable for comment but a spokesperson did say, "The Colonel has gone out for dinner...with a Mexican friend."

By Katarina Frogpond.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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