It's just been revealed by a guy smoking a cigar outside the 16th Street Social Club in Queens, New York that HRH Prince Andrew's application to join the Gambino crime family has been declined.
Prince Andrew's nefarious activities have been recently highlighted by the media, with associations with a convicted paedophile, cash for attention, a failed marriage to a certfiable nutter, dining with the Royals from Tunisia as a popular uprising broke out, flogging his house for £3million over the asking price to a Khazac billionaire accused of money laundering, and being described as "cocky and rude" by a US diplomat.
"We couldn't put up wit dat crap," said Gotti Jonas Bros of the Gambino crime family. "Dat guy's just too high maintenance for us. And he's way too public. Plus, he don't look too good for his age. He just don't fit wit the family image. So screw him. He wants to appeal - we'll arrange for da joik ta be interred under the runway at JFK airport. Or sump'n. Trust me - we'll tink of da sump'n."
Prince Andrew was unavailable for comment, and according to some sources was heading for Moscow in a private jet for talks with the Abramovich crime family.
Although we can't verify that.
More as we get it.