Vatican City - Pope Benedict XVI is very cheerful these days as he looks forward to Lent and the coming of Ash Wednesday next week. The red-eyed pontiff has declared that ashes from the marijuana plant are to be used on the holy day, instead of palm ashes. Global Cooling has wiped out most of the palm trees in the world.
"Ash Wednesday is now Hash Wednesday." declared the pope in a solemn voice. "The faithful are to smoke tons of weed and hash during the coming week, and save the ash. I will be smoking my fair share too." said the stoned pope.
Roman Catholics believe ashes applied to the forehead symbolize mankind's mortality, and its need for repentance.
"Acid to acid, and angel dust to angel dust." stated the pope in a solemn voice.
Pope Benedict also wants everyone to have an enjoyable Fat Tuesday next week.
"I declare that Fat Tuesday will be known as Fag Tuesday." stated the pontiff. He was dressed exactly like Dorothy in 'The Wizard of Oz'. "I can't wait to show-off my ruby slippers to the world!"