Written by Baz Barry
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Thursday, 24 February 2011

image for Elvis Lives! Emerges from 34 Year Exile to Bowl in Tournament.
Elvis Presley

Sydney, Australia: Competitors and spectators at a lawn bowls competition in the small New South Wales town of Parkes believe that they have today witnessed a resurrection of biblical proportions.

Mr. Elvis Aron Presley, aged 76 and long thought to have died on August 16 1977 in a bathroom at his Graceland mansion in Memphis, Tennessee,had registered for the competition several weeks ago but organisers assumed that it was a hoax.

Doris Karr-Bunkle, President of the Parkes Lawn Bowls Club, said "This elderly, well-spoken gentleman in a white jump-suit came to the clubhouse in January and enquired about registration for the competition. He looked vaguely familiar but I didn't catch on there and then. I was a Ricky Nelson fan myself but of course I knew who Elvis Presley was. I just thought it was someone playing a joke. He was very polite and called me "Ma'm".

Since registering for the competition, rumours had been rife among the lawn bowling community that"Elvis" would be competing.

The owner of a Parkes service station, Kevin Spleane, told The Spoof that a man "resembling Elvis" had bought fuel for a 1975 pink Cadillac a few days ago and had asked if there was a McDonalds in town. "He kinda looked like Elvis was when he was alive but older, you know, and not so fat. I remember he called me 'sir' a lot".

Despite the rumours of sightings, nobody expected anything more than an Elvis impersonator to turn up today but amused speculation turned to disbelief when a familiar jump-suited figure, somewhat slimmer than we remember but still coiffed with a full jet-black head of hair, stepped up at the opening ceremony of the bowls competition to sing the Australian National Anthem, followed by a medley of "Teddy Bear", "Don't Be Cruel" and "All Shook Up".

"The voice, the phrasing, the wiggling hips, a little curl of the lip and that 'Thankya very much' at the end", gushed Thelma Hurkel,75. "It's him for sure, I can feel it in my water".

"I couldn't believe it. I just screamed and cried and tried to get my knickers off but I fell over," wept Maureen Fleck, 71. "I never believed he was dead and now...my god," she gasped while being assisted to breathe by paramedics.

The sensational revelation has raised the inevitable question of Presley's whereabouts since his alleged "death" in 1977. As media from around the world converge on Parkes, many locals are still not convinced that it is anything more than an elaborate publicity stunt to raise the profile of lawn bowls. "Why would Elvis come to this half-assed town?" asked a local shopkeeper. "Mind you, I don't care who it is-it's good for business".

Due to the chaotic scenes at the opening ceremony, the competition has been postponed.

A media conference has been scheduled for tomorrow, when the King of Rock and Roll will provide more information to an astonished world about the biggest comeback of all time. The Spoof will carry a special report on this event in late editions.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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