Recent reports into the effects of using a mobile phone on the brain were welcomed throughout the world community yesterday.
Although slow to admit it, most major mobile phone giants have accepted there is a risk of brain dysfunction over middle to long periods.
Akmar Shayia, who wishes to remain anonymous, said.
"My bosses at Oranger have long known this to be the truth. I Mean, anybody who owns a mobile has to speak to at least three morons a day. That's 21 morons a week. That's 84 a month, which in real terms are 1008 idiots a year. That's enough to give anybody brain damage. I wouldn't be surprised if this leads to restrictions on idiots owning mobile phones."
But Ahmed Jalfezi, representative of Al-queda, who also wished to remain anonymous (but the laughs on him) said.
"Mobile phone technology has long been a lynch pin in our worldwide operations. We use them from encrypting orders to detonating bombs. To stop issuing mobiles to idiots would seriously undermine our operation. The fear is, if these restrictions become reality, people with some intelligence may have to volunteer as a suicide bomber. And everyone knows you've got to be an idiot to blow yourself up. Hopefully this won't be extended to the internet."
Surely, this can only be a good thing. Unless of course they confiscate mine.