Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Wednesday, 23 February 2011

image for "Everybody Must Get Stoned!" Declares Pope Benedict XVI
"Everybody Must Get Stoned"

Vatican City-- Pope Benedict XVI made an unusual declaration from the papal balcony overlooking Saint Peter's Square today. The pontiff was in a very cheerful mood as he gazed out over the crowd. Giant loudspeakers came on, and soon began blasting out some old music from Bob Dylan to the audience. The pope then began to speak:

"Everybody must get stoned!" shouted a very intoxicated Pope Benedict. "There is too much anger in the world; too much turmoil. I order all good people, of whatever faith, to smoke weed!" he proclaimed.

The pope then lit up a joint and took a few good hits. Bonfires of marijuana began burning in Saint Peter's Square. Giant fans blew the gray smoke all over Vatican City, intoxicating everyone. The pope then began to sing:

They'll stone you when you're trying to say Mass
They'll stone you when you fall down on your ass
They'll stone you when you're saying the Hail Mary
They'll stone you and say that you're a fairy
Well, I would not feel so all alone...
Everybody must get stoned!

Soon, thousands of people throughout Vatican City began singing and chanting the same song. Dozens of nuns and priests joined the pope on his balcony, singing the praises of being stoned. The giant bonfires of weed kept burning into the night, and the same old Bob Dylan song kept playing from the loudspeakers.

"Everybody must get stoned!" exclaimed the red-eyed pontiff.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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