Colonel Muammar Gaddafi, esrtwhile Libyan leader and lunatic in residence in the country has flatly denied anything is happening in Libya at the moment.
Dressed in an outfit donated to him by Dame Edna Everage on a recent royal visit, and sitting astride a large colourful maypole, he denied that there was civil or even uncivil unrest in the country at present.
Unfurling a KPMG umbrella while eating a large piece of cardboard coated with vegamite, he said that his three sons, Muammar Junior, Muammar Junior Junior and Junior Muammar Junior, together with his daughter Spice Girl Muammar, were in control of the four main government departments - Department for Rain, Department for Shootings and Floggings, Department for Harry Potter films and Department of Designer Dresses and that "all was fine and dandy" and "continuing as abnormal".
While conceding that former Scottish prisoner Ali Quickonthe McDraw Mugabi, was suffering from terminal sumbathing, General Gaddafi confirmed that oil would still flow and there would most certainly be no terrorism while he was alive and living in exile in Sicily.
Field Marshall Gaddafi called for calm, peace, tranquility and the overthrow of any elected government of the people.