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Tuesday, 22 February 2011

image for Cameron Calls For More "Camel Toes" In The Middle East
David Cameron

Prime Minister David Cameron has stolen a march on his rivals in the race to become the new Egyptian leader.

Mr Cameron, frustrated in his attempts to be outright head boy in the UK, flew into Cairo to lend his support to what has been dubbed the "Camel Toe Revolution".

While deposed leader Hosni Mubarak licked his wounds on a sun lounger in Sharm El-Sheikh, the UK PM told assembled journalists of his wishes for the fledgling revolution.

"I did in fact meet an Egyptian whilst campaigning in the UK and I was struck by his sense of fair play and decency.

"Fair play and decency have been hallmarks of the so called 'Camel Toe Revolution' and I urge all the peoples of North Africa and the Middle East to look at Egypt's 'Camel Toe' and learn.

"I want to see 'Camel Toes' sprouting up everywhere. People of Egypt, I am with you and I support you.

"I also quite like the way they tidy up after themselves. Tidy square, tidy mind I always say."

Political commentators, especially those in the UK, have interpreted the latter remarks as a veiled notice of the Prime Minister's intention to run for the vacant presidency.

Nick Clegg, leader of the Liberal Democrats, gave his support to the Tory leader as he measured the windows in 10 Downing Street.

"Oh yeah, I think he should go...in fact I told him to," he told the Spoof. "Let's face it, it's a perfect fit.

"There are no councils as such, so the major part of his political ideology would be satisfied and he could keep the Egyptian pound without fear of a United States of Europe style takeover. He could also avoid distracting discussions about PR and AV, as the Gypos would be grateful for any kind of vote."

Boris Johnson threw his weight behind Mr Cameron and pointed out the economic benefits of Mr Cameron adopting Egypt as his new home.

"Well it seems perfectly sensible to me," Mr Johnson told a group of Japanese tourists, near his offices by the Thames.

"By running for office in er...abroad, he saves us billions that we would have spent if we'd sent the army in. It's a beezer old wheeze and I for one am jolly well behind him."

"You rook rike fa' Gally Bar'ow!" giggled one onlooker, pointing her camera at Mr Johnson's face.

Meanwhile Mr Cameron struck out with a stinging attack on Libya's Colonel Gadaffi.

"I would like to say Libya's response has been wholly disproportionate. I urge Colonel Gadaffi to stop ordering his forces to shoot peaceful demonstrators," he said, adding, "Of course, it's important to stress how important Mr Gadaffi is to the British economy

and, should he keep the murders down to about 200-250, we should try and keep things in perspective as what might follow Colonel Gadaffi could be worse. Just look at Iraq and Afghanistan.

"British voters can certainly identify with that I have no doubt. They voted for Clegg to get Labour out and got me instead."

Mr Cameron plans to visit all the major and influential Middle East states in a bid to foster a new spirit of conciliation. He will go to Saudi Arabia, Tunisia, Jordan, Syria and Mayfair.

As news spread around Tahrir Square, locals debated excitedly about the new kid on the block.

"Who?" said one as he hoovered the scene of some of the country's worst confrontations.

*Mr Cameron was last night said to be travelling around the area with a group of British arms manufacturers.

Labour leader Ed Miliband could hardly contain his feelings on hearing the news.

"What? We still manufacture things? I thought we'd stopped all that?"

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