Written by wadenelson
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Topics: Radio, missing

Wednesday, 7 September 2005

image for Six Castaways Rescued from Gilligan's Island after 39 Years
On an Island in the Sky... Farewell.

Polynesia -- Six castaways from the SS Minnow, which went missing in a typhoon in 1964, were reportedly rescued by a Taiwanese fishing vessel today after signals from a makeshift radio were received. A seventh passenger, actor Bob Denver, reportedly died just hours before the rescue. According to the boat's skipper, "Without my little buddy here, what good is it to be rescued," said actor Alan Hale Jr. as he broke down in tears.

Rescued today were Thurston Howell III and wife "Lovey," actress Tina Louise, Marianne, and the Professor, who reportedly now suffers from Alzheimers. "We fully expected our acting careers to die on this island, commented "Ginger." Every chance we had to be rescued, somehow, that lovable goofball Gilligan messed it up. But we will miss him dearly."

Launched in 1964, Gilligan's Island ran three years in prime time, and has "Virtually never stopped running" in syndication. Several truly bad Gilligan's Island re-union shows and movies have been made. Actor Bob Denver, who portrayed Gilligan, was frequently greeted with life preservers and shortwave radios at public events. While he had previously portrayed work-averse Dobie Gillis, Denver became typecast as Gilligan and only had a few roles afterwards. He was reportedly always "great with fans" and always willing to sign autographs.

According to his agent, Barry Rosenfeld, Bob Denver, a.k.a. Gilligan requested cremation followed by a simple burial at sea of the ashes. "It's what Gilligan have wanted. "And," he added, "This time they're taking a GPS, liferafts, survival gear, a location beacon, and being trailed by four Coast Guard ships and one aircraft carrier."

According to the six survivors, newspapers washed up on shore about the filming of Survivor on an island in the Pacific gave them repeated hope of rescue, but it wasn't to be. "Gilligan was the only one with enough fillings to ever pick up radio stations with his orthodontia alone, said Marianne."

As to why the Professor could craft radios out of cocoanut shells, but was unable to build even a primitive raft or boat, "No one will ever know" now. His memories, it seem, remain on the island.

Thurston Howell III's stock, reportedly mostly in "up and coming computer stocks" including Sperry, UNIVAC, and XDS are reportedly near-worthless, said Maryland Lynch broker Ted Weiss. "His estate in New Orleans was pretty hard hit too."

Fans worldwide welcomed the survivors back to dry land, and shed tears for "My little buddy."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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