Written by Kid Icarus
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Topics: Scientists, weapons, Navy

Sunday, 20 February 2011

image for Navy Came Close To Breaking World Record
Women that scientist are not allowed to touch.

The brilliant male scientist who work for the Navy just set a new world record and set the stage for their own failed destiny, with a test blast from a new type of laser that can shoot cruise missiles from the sky in seconds with a deadly accuracy that simply doesn't exist in the military's vast arsenal today.

As quickly as their test results came out, China, Russia, Iran and North Korea have placed their scientist to work on a more powerful and more advanced laser system to counter act this latest innovation.

Excuse the news report, but Iran and its hairy, primitive scientist are not capable of proceeding with their laser test because they have joined the green protest in Iran trying to topple the corrupt and brutal Iranian government. Short, stocky, hairy government officials with emanating ape smells are chanting for the deaths of their citizens who are protesting, of which includes many of their top level scientist, of which several have been shot down on the streets by Iranian security forces.

In a news flash that has come in, Russia said it has just finished developing it's own version of an even more advanced laser system which has set a new world record. The new record moves them one step closer to proving the "holy grail" of laser guns and it's all thanks to the brilliant men working for the Navy who provided the inspiration.

In an updated interview with Russian scientist, Dmitry Chikhachvov, he says, "To create incredible power requires incredible energy. After all, the more power one puts into a laser accelerator, the more powerful and precise the light beam that comes out on the other end."

To achieve this, Russian scientists blast unprecedented levels of power into a prototype accelerator, producing a supercharged electron beam that can burn through 20 feet of steel per second. They injected a sustained 700 kilovolts (KV) of juice into a prototype accelerator where the existing limit had been 320 kV -- a world's record, the scientists explained.

Russian battleships of the future will be equipped with megawatt-class free electron lasers capable of destroying entire nations.

Philosopher, Edwin Abbott Abbott, commented, "Scientist have proven through their maniac works that they posses minds more feeble than that of religious scholars because of the mortal danger they have placed humanity under."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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