Written by Hazmatt
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Topics: Whale, boats

Friday, 18 February 2011

image for Whale activist boat rammed by whale pod sinks
Sea sheppard boat sinks as reporters watch

A whaling activist group has been dealt a heavy blow after a pod of whales rammed their boat 'Drew Carey' in South American seas this afternoon. The boat sank immediately with the loss of all hands on board.

The Drew Carey had been tailing the Japanese harpoon ship as it left the whale sanctuary on its journey back into Japanese waters. Japanese whale catches have been severely restricted this season due to increasingly aggressive tactics used by the activist crew.

In response to the sinking, the Nisshin Maru has now U-turned and is heading back into Antarctic seas to re-commence hunting.

A Japanese diplomat met with the Australian ambassador to Japan to convey his government's happiness at the loss of an Australian ship this afternoon.

"You really tried to fuck with us this year. You tried to kill our whaling industry and you bastards have paid the price. You got the karma you deserved you whale humping hippies" he said.

So far the Australian government has used diplomacy in dealing with the highly contentious issue of whaling. Now however, the Australian Navy is threatening to neutralise Japanese whaling activities permanently and commence all-out war.

"We don't give a shit if we kill a few of their sailors, we've got whales to save. We can't wait around forever for the international whaling court to come to some half-assed conclusion" A spokesman said.

In reports obtained recently under FOI laws, Australia has been seeking opportunities to try out a range of newly developed tactical cruise missiles. The missiles have a range of 30,000km and are thought to be able to carry a payload equivalent to 8 megatons.

The government declined to comment on the projected impact on whale numbers that the missiles may have only stating that some harm must be done for the whale populations' greater good. A countdown has been commenced with the firing of the first missiles to begin 9pm tonight. The last five minutes of the countdown is to be internationally broadcast.

The Navy released a statement saying "We hope they're really shitting themselves right now, they brought in on themselves after all."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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