Cairo - (Tootin' Khamoon): A five thousand year-old edition of an ancient almanac of Egypt's worst druggies has been discovered under the Great Pyramid of Geezer.
The who's who of toxic despots, hitmen and their personal gofers was unearthed behind a secret panel in the ascending back passage to the Queen's Chamber.
A Cairo antiquities team worked by torchlight last weekend to clear hidden shafts originally discovered in 1992 by the German engineer Rudolf Gantenbrink.
The find confirms Howard Carter's worst suspicions that Egypt's downfall resulted from foreign organized crime take-overs following centuries of narcotic turf wars with marauding Hittites.
A sneak preview of the ancient tome names various ancient drugs barons on Pharaoh Rameses II's 'tricky' list.
Their monopoly of lucrative pre-Phoenecian drug markets had Egypt in a stranglehold over supplies of psilocybin, petote, datura, morning glory, marijuana, opium, salvia divinorumm coca and khat.
Archaeologists reckon the toxic tycoons may have sired the dynasties responsible for today's modern drug cartels.
A spokesperson for the Non-Aligned Crack Barons Association refused to comment ahead of DNA tests on its own luminaries.
The almanac will be published online as soon as the dust settles.