(Published 23rd Dec 2012) - JERSEY CITY & WOLVERHAMPTON, ENG. - An astonishing event had occured.
2012, which would happen to the Earth at 11.59 pm GMT, 22nd Dec 2012, had just been isolated to the two places on Earth no-one likes.
"Yeah," said an archaeologist, "If we look at the Mayan temples, they say that it will happen to the Shirt of New. Jersey is a shirt. So, yeah, New Jersey. And then it said it will also happen to the pig of rabid dogs. Rabid dogs are called wolves, I guess, and ham. Wolves-ham. Wolverhampton. We thought that was nonesense, but it meant we had nothing to worry about. Hooray."
All of the 7.1 billion humans on the planet breathed a sigh of relief after finding out that they weren't attacked. According to sources, a giant meteor crashed into both places, and then a giant volcano emerged, spewing ash and lava, and then receeding back into Earth. Luckily, the ash and lava did not touch New York or Birmingham, the two principial cities in thier native nations.
Many of those who have stocked up on supplies for the never-coming armageddon were sheepish about their behaivour.
"It was a little joke," said Lazarus Clark, head of the 2012 Society.
As of press time, the Voyager space probe picked up erratic noise from a giant fathership approaching the Earth.