Written by Karen Fish
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Topics: Lindsay Lohan, Egypt

Saturday, 12 February 2011

image for Lindsay Lohan and Egypt Celebrate a new Brutal Military Dictatorship

Yesterday Egyptians in Tahrir Square went berserk with joy as Hosni Mubarak fled to Orlando and bought Hosniworld. The New York Times wrote "New Era dawns in Egypt and Across the Arab World: Cairo: A new era dawned in Egypt on Saturday as this nation of 80 million - and hundreds of millions beyond its borders - began to absorb the fact that an 18 day mass movement of non-violent protest brought down a 30 year military dictatorship and renewed the country's lease on life."

Lindsay Lohan tweeted: "Congratulations to the people of Egypt. Your voices were heard and you proved that peaceful demonstrations are possible and effective. And I pray Egypt maintains it's treaty with Israel and sets the trend for its neighbors to create peace with Israel and the entire region." Lindsay Lohan's aids put the apostrophe in 'it's' to make it appear as though Lindsay Lohan had written the tweet herself.

Al Ahram, the Egyptian state owned national newspaper printed the headline, "The People Overthrew the Regime." The regime, the authors of these words, the Egyptian military dictators who run and own the country, are laughing their heads off, saying among themselves, "Who says you cannot fool all of the people all of the time?"

Here is what actually happened yesterday: Hosni Mubarak has led a military dictatorship in Egypt for 30 years. Imagine that there had been no facebook uprising and that yesterday Hosni Mubarak had just died of coronary thrombosis like a normal person. In that case the military dictator supreme council would have met like the Cardinals at the Holy See upon the death of Pope Benedict XVI, elected a new Pope and sent a cloud of white smoke into the air as the faithful in Tahrir Square celebrated wildly.

The same New York Times article trumpeting the fall of Egypt's military dictatorship regime goes on to say 'The transfer of power leaves the Egyptian military in charge of this nation of 85 million.' The protesters succeeded in getting the Supreme Egyptian Military Council to transfer power to itself. One of the leaders of the Supreme Egyptian Military Council is Omar Suleiman the Minister of torture, electrocution and prisoner rape with broken coke bottles.

In an academy award winning performance as 'Best Dictator in a Shakesperian Farce' Vice President Omar Suleiman announced to the world "Taking into account the difficult circumstances the country is going through, President Hosni Mubarak has decided to leave the post of President of the Republic and tasked the Supreme Council of the Armed Forces to manage the State's affairs."

The Supreme Military Council also said, "Unfortunately the 'emergency law' which has been in place for 30 years and allows the government to detain anyone without charges or trial and feed them to the camels will have to stay in place for now. We thank Lindsay Lohan for her unwavering support."

On January 25, 2011 the first day of the protests Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said 'Our assessment is that the Egyptian government is stable." Since then Hillary Clinton has been widely reviled for these ultimately prophetic remarks. 'The King is dead. Long live the King!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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