I rang Mrs Chuckle of The Farmer's Whistle about the decision of President of Egypt Honesty Mubarak to cancel his trip to Clacton.
'I feel such a fool' she told me 'but it was that Cameron - he stopped it, said it was too much mudlyculturism. Apparently Honesty only knew two words of English - Stop and Go. I ask you, it was a short break for him but they said he could overstay.'
The inside workings of secret deals made behind our backs is being revealed but, with Mrs Chuckle derided at her local Women's Guild her credibility as a reliable source has been put in question. The Women's Guild in Clacton are great supporters of Cameron's Big Society and they will not hear a word said against the man who recognised their contribution to society.
'Why don't you come down to Clacton. The mysterious j.w. that would save my bacon.'
'I'm afraid I've got to cover the West Ham match' I explained.
'You poor sod. Are you a machismo or something?'
'No they are my team come what may.'
'I'm quite good with a bit of S & M. But you will have to tell me your name first.'
Sex and Masturbation - that sounded all right. Nearly as good as West Ham scoring a goal. I blurted out my name - 'It's Jereremiah Whimp, Mrs Chuckle.'
'Well, Mr Whip I am the person to satisfy you.'
So our Spoof Scoop has ended happily.
NEXT TIME YOU GET A CRAZY FANTASIST CHECK YOUR FACTS. WE HAVE A REPUTATION TO THINK OF - ED
(stupid old fart)