Arrogant asshead President Hosni Mubarek --who has no chance of surviving 2011 in Egypt-- has just Punk'd his country during a speech to his nation; a speech in which he was expected to step down, yielding power to the military.
For the fourth time, one of my jokes was used during Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live. I know you're stealing from me, Seth. Why, because you had to follow me at the Comedy Store in 1999? Get over it.
"I know that many of you were expect me to quit today," said Mubarek. "And because of this I announce that... wait for it... Psych! I not going anywhere, so suck it you a--holes!"
"Ha!" he continued. "OK, that was very funny. OK, now bring him out... Ashton, you jerk! I know you're here, Ashton. I see Dax over there... Where is Ashton?"
Mularek continued: "Continue to throw the rocks and the gas bombs, because my Palace is lined with depleted uranium and 6 feet of reinforced concrete. Allah couldn't get to me in this f--king place!"
"Seriously, where the hell am I going to do if I quit? Replace Regis?"
(Update:-- The senior Egyptian government official who said President Hosni Mubarak was expected to announce that he will transfer power to the military has been exiled to Cuba, says Egypt's newspaper 'The Daily Planet.'
"He is lucky I didn't shoot him to the moon," reported Mubarek, who in recent days has begun wearing a gold lame outfit eerily similar to that of the Pharoah in the 1956 film 'The Ten Commandments. )