New York, NY - United Nations Gibberologist today hailed the passage of a draft resolution celebrating the global renaissance of the ancient Gibberish language, thus rendering human communication and understanding more difficult.
"Historically," said UN uber-linguist Germane Thames, "Gibberish has always been misunderstood by the average person, intentionally of course. It's main practitioners have always been businessmen, religion zealots and politicians. You know, trouble makers in general. These people have a keen grasp of Gibberish. And let me remind the lay people attending today that linguist should not to be confused with linguinist, or the makers of pasta products."
Thames stated that he and his colleagues were deeply impressed as professional linguist by the latest exquisite examples of Gibberish uttered by politicians today. Gibberish, he added, is intentionally designed to confuse and confound and thereby limit any actual means of human understanding. "If we as the world's leaders can't confuse people then it makes it that much more difficult to take advantage of them."
Thames is also the UN's General Assembly's 'Language Translator Director.' He proudly noted how his translators occasionally intentionally mis-translate UN speeches. "Recently I had the President of Tunisia saying that the people of his country smelled like dead camels innards. Boy, that sure started a ruckus."
"Here's another example of the value of Gibberish in politics. Let me cite just one example - Senator Rand Paul's mastery of Gibberology, for instance." Rand who recently won the Senate race in Kentucky used Gibberish to define freedom and liberty in terms Kentuckians could more easily comprehend, according to Thames, thus earning Rand the victory. Rand said businessman should be free to hang "White People Only' signs in their store windows if they chose. "Sen. Rand obviously wanted Kentuckians to believe that nothing screams out Liberty and Freedom more than having the freedom and liberty to be an bigot. See, that's Gibberish at its best, Gibberish Kentuckians naturally seem to grasp."
Most religious and political leaders have a particularly creative knack for deception. For example, Thames credited Rand for creating his own professional optometry association and then accrediting himself as a professional optometrist through it. "Now that's genius. That goes beyond Gibberish and borders on Gobbledygook, the most splendid of all human deceptions."
Thames added that he was also an expert on HookerSpeak, which he claimed is the most direct of all human languages. HookerSpeak, he said, consist of less than five known words and a half dozen hand gestures. Studies have shown the practitioners of HookerSpeak are able to counterbalance this language deficiency with an almost surreal grasp of mathematics and business savvy that would make any college economics professor jealous."