BERN, Switzerland - Swiss President Micheline Anne Marie Calmy-Rey, aka "The Empress of The Alps" has stated on the record that she has given the go ahead for her country to proceed with plans to invade the African country of Egypt.
President Calmy-Rey speaking to the official Swiss news service Alpo News pointed out that for hundreds of years her country has had the reputation of being an isolationist country.
President Calmy-Rey pointed out The Swiss Clock Doctrine of 1919, which states: "We, the people of the cold European country of Switzzerland (sic) hereby state that from now on we will pretty much just be keeping to ourselves.
We will avoid all types of emotional involvements, mental attachments, and physical obligations with any and all other countries of the world.
We will not allow ourselves to be drawn into any International conflicts, entanglements, squabbles, embroilments, disputes, or brouhaha's.
So what we are saying herewith is that we, the Swiss people, just want to be left the hell alone to enjoy our beautiful Alps, our gorgeous Swiss misses, and our hot chocolate. (signed) Moritz Widmer Ricola Jr., (Oct. 15, 1919)."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: The Swiss Doctrine of 1919 included the original spelling of the country's name (Switzzerland) which included two "Z's." The second "Z" was dropped after the unanimous approval of 'The Last Letter of The Alphabet Amendment of 1939."]
President Calmy-Rey was asked by free lance reporter Keith Olbermann, formerly of MSNBC, why after hundreds of years of isolationism was Switzerland now going to become an aggressor and invade Egypt.
The president told Olbermann that, that was a good question. She added that she had an even better answer. Olbermann noted that he really hoped she did because it would sure look good on his job resume.
President Calmy-Rey said that her country, like most of the world's countries, has really been hit hard by the down sliding world economy. She said that people are not drinking as much (Swiss produced) chocolate as they were a few years ago because they cannot afford it.
She acknowledged that so many chocolate drinkers have now switched over to store brand soft drinks, or else to name brand soft drinks such as Pepsi, Coca Cola, and Dr. Pepper, that have gone past the expiration date.
The president observed that for some reason the African countries demand for chocolate has not gone down but instead has been steadily rising; especially in the smaller countries such as Mumtanda, Loombeezi, Lower Zamgola, and Kamgooganda.
President Calmy-Rey said that if her country could set up a major distribution center say in...Egypt then Switzerland could increase its export of chocolate by 1,000 percent, which would mean that eventually the little European country would have more money than Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, Queen Elizabeth, Justin Bieber, and Sir Paul McCartney combined.
Calmy-Rey pointed out that since the country of Egypt is presently engulfed in a state of disarray coupled with the fact that the Egyptian Army is disintegrating by the hour she has decided that now is the time for Switzerland's military to act.
Egyptian President Hosni "The Camel Dude" Mubarak is totally immersed in massive turmoil due to the out-of-control antics of rebel rabble rousers, agitated antagonists, disruptive dissidents, incendiary instigators, and radical reactionaries.
So with that in mind Switzerland will be launching an all out assault on Egypt within the next few days.
To help Switzerland in its attack on Egypt, President Calmy-Rey has spoken with the president of the Republic of Mexico Nacho Winslow and leased the battleship MS Montezuma's Revenge.