Following my recent exclusive coverage of Pharaoh Obamasanuckasamun's press conference, the new ruler was so delighted with our coverage of the story that he asked the spoof back for the follow up press conference.
Unfortunately, Spoof hack Masheded did indeed awake with a sore ass the last time he attended, and blamed a soluble substance that was administered to his drink at some time in the evening.
So intrepid warzone reporter Philbert of Macadamia was sent to attend. Upon returning to the same Temple that the Man-God previously spoke from, (which we now know to be the Ancient Temple of Resurrection) he made the following speech:
"There are worries and uncertainties taken shape, both on Capitol Hill, and the financial institutions of the United States. I ask the American people to trust me in this trying time.
I have taken long hours, often throughout the long Egyptian night, to ensure that my new empire is cohesive and beneficial for all. Therefore, to give the greatest benefit to the greatest number of people, I will now outline the new structure of my two great nation."
Although Philbert of Macadamia had been briefed beforehand, what happened next still shook him to the point that he wished he hadn't come. He reports:
"Just like you said Masheded, the room went dark and all. But then torches lit all up around the room, and the temple roof slid back like something from thunderbirds.
I looked up and could see the raging sand storm above our heads. Then the sky went black, and the whole place was quiet apart from the sound of the sand abrading then falling all around us. It was then we all heard a deep echoing thrum.
It was than the Pharaoh spoke, and it sounded like a mountain falling down."
"Today I stand before you as your new Pharaoh. Many wives have I taken, and many will I yet take. My mortal wife Anucksa Michelle, and her children (of which I forget their names), did not survive the pilgrimage across the desert to the new capital. This was Ra's will. My people will now discover whom of my wives I have held most esteemed. I will now reveal my patriarchy.
It is true that Hillary Clinton will indeed be my wife. And she will reside in comfort beside me in Memphis until she ascends to the gods. But she will not be my queen. Sarah Palin I name as my queen, and she will rule in my absence in our once great nation. Washington will continue to be my military headquarters in what is my "Lower Egypt". But Washington no longer will be Capital. The new capital for the USA Lower Egypt will be built anew in the deserts of Arizona. And there Queen Palinas will rule through me. All of the deserts of the world will become the land of the Pharaoh, the time is upon us."
Philbert of Macadamia seemed to have more luck on his return flight from the Pharaohs conference than I did. He said:
"Hard luck Masheded. I got flown from the temple by private jet. He must have had some work done. And incidentally, I didn't wake up with a sore ass!"
Not yet Philbert.