Written by IainB
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Saturday, 5 February 2011

image for Mubarak will only step down if he is mummified
The first new pyramid for seven thousand years

Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak has agreed to step down, but only if he gets a Pharaoh's burial upon his death.

"Mubarak basically said," said Khola Khoka, minister for the exterior, "we could have a new president over his dead body."

Work has begun on building a pyramid for Mubarak, complete with gold filled chambers of treasure, and a space for the sarcophagus. A team of eight is currently being given a crash course in mummification by the Archaeological Royal Society of England.

"We understand," said sir Jonathon Bumbledoorington, "that the Egyptians are keen to begin mummification within a week. So we are teaching them all the techniques for creating a mummy. The great thing about mummification is you don't have to worry if the person is dead! By the time you've addled his brains with a knitting needle, put his liver, kidneys and spleen in a canopic jars and covered his heart in tar, you can be pretty sure."

It has been decided to build the Mubarak pyramid, as it has been termed, usingg volunteer labour from the population of Egypt.

"We put an ad in the paper," said foreman for the job, Randuum Qotation. "I didn't think there'd be many people turn up. We've had sixty thousand. I've only got enough sandwiches for fifty. People, not fifty thousand. They don't seem to mind though. We'll have this bugger built by Friday at this rate."

The new pyramid has no traps to deter thieves, but does come with a curse.

"Oh it's a corker," said Qotation. "The first person to rip the mummy to shreds will get their own television show and be loved by millions. Apparently, Simon Cowell wants to do it. He already has his own TV show, so I can't imagine why he'd want to."

The pyramid is already half complete, and president Mubarak has appeared on television pointing out that he's not dead, and that there's no need to build the pyramid yet. The work rate has doubled.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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