Dr. Drew Pinsky, the "Board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist" who routinely violates the "do no harm" clause of the Hippocratic Oath by exploiting famous f--k-ups on "Celebrity Rehab", has passed on trying to detox homeless, golden-throated train-wreck Ted Williams.
"Ted Williams gained widespread media attention when an interview - made during a period when he was homeless - went viral after being posted to YouTube in early January 2011," said internet expert Wik E. Pedia. "Williams was also a two-time American League MVP winner, had a career batting average of .344, and was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1966."
After years of drug addiction, burglary convictions and children that Williams had abandoned, Williams has been propelled out of the puddle of his own tears and urine. Nevertheless, Williams has f--ked up over and over. The situation reached a boiling point when Williams was arrested after engaging in a physically violent altercation with daughter, Janey, supposedly over her outrageous monetary demands. (Editors: Hey, Janey: Two weeks ago Daddy was selling squeegie-wipes of passers-by windshields, dummy.)
"Ted Williams needs help, and 'Celebrity Freak Show'... er, 'Celebrity Rehab', is the place for him to get it," said Dr. Drew. "Now, how any honest physician could think that undergoing rehabilition for alcohol and drug treatment on national television would be good for his patients is beyond me."
"Frankly, my desire for fame and glory is far more important than the sanctity of the responsible practice of medicine," Drew continued. "But I like fame and glory soooo much."
Ted Williams returned to a rehab facility this weekend -- not to check himself back in, but to visit his girlfriend. (Ted left the Origins Recovery Center in South Texas against doctor's orders last week.)
Williams says that once his girlfriend gets out of rehab, he's like to marry her and settle down in a lovely refrigerator box, somewhere with an ocean view.