In a startling reversal of international trade policy, President Barrack "Paddy" O'Bama directed his Secretary of Commerce to enforce his new Presidential Mandate requiring all outsourcing of Green Jobs and Products go to Ireland to reverse the imbalance of trade with China and give him a 'boost up' for the upcoming 2012 elections!
The extraordinary action was taken after a letter to the Ted Kennedy Drinking and Step Dancing Social Club, located on Martha's Vineyard, prompted the Black Irish Governor of the state, "Cadillac' Patrick Deval, to enlist the aid of the state's liberal congressional members to lobby the President for the dramatic policy change.
The letter, from the head of the Irish Thatched Cottage Roofing Consortium, LLC, one Fergus McCarthy, cited Ireland's long standing relationship with the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, the lingering ties to the infamous Kennedy Family that controlled the state for decades, as well as reminding the Governor of Kennedy's support of the IRA through a special liquor tax allocated for the purchase and export of weapons and explosives in the name of GOD & good Irish Whiskey during past 'troubles."
It didn't hurt that Harvard Educated (sic) Patrick recently was caught out in another hair brained scheme foisted on the American Taxpayer by President O'Bama and his Climate Czar, Al Be' Gora, to develop a host of fraudulent 'green jobs' funded by tax money, and handed out to a few good drinking buddies, some of whom even began to believe they were really Irish after a few shots of Jameson's and a pickled egg.
The latest was $58M in state and federal money forked over to Evergreen Solar, who it was promised would be building solar panels in Massachusetts, and employ over 900 people, a 'win win' for the taxpayer, and of course the governor.
Imagine the shock and awe when the company announced just last week that they had recently arranged a deal to export all their manufacturing jobs to China 'in order to cut cost and be competitive in the solar panel market," an action not announced prior to a bevy of state police showing up at the plant to protect the Scam Artists when they announced the plant was closing "Immediately."
To date, no one has the accounting for what happened to the $58M in cash; the weather in New England is so bad no one uses solar power anyway, but Patrick now says, 'Well, it was a gamble that was worth the risk...besides, 800 folks got paid for a year, and the state will pick up their 'pensions' and unemployment from here...!"
Meanwhile, in the local pubs, the Sullivans, Flannigans, O'Reillys, and a few O'hammads are celebrating the President's decision.
"God bless 'em all," was the universal chant as the shots and pints were hoisted in celebration down on Delancey Street.
The outpouring of support for Patrick, "a good Irish lad for sure with that name, " now enshrines him forever in Irish lore in the state, and puts the final nail in the coffin for conservatives trying to save the state....from itself.
Meanwhile, back in Ireland, Ryan Air is said to be ready to boost their incoming standing room only flights from Warsaw, Krakow, Prague & Bucharest in an attempt to meet employment demands from new companies financed by Dubai & Qatar in what is now being called 'The New Camel Economy" replacing the Celtic Tiger, which was hunted to extinction by Trophy seeking World Bankers.
Said Fergus McCarthy, "Guess I should be more careful in what I wish for next time" before adjourning to the local pub "The Flying Pig."