Annapurna - (Frozen Bear Ass): Commissioned by a UN climate change stink - er...think! - tank the report blames oil and gas drilling in the Tibetan Plateau.
Last year's wildlife census found no trace of the fluffy white creatures in an area traditionally replete with mating pairs.
"We could be talking extinction of a specious," UN carbon omissions (sic) supremo Prof Einstein Flintstone commented.
"Where's my goddam consultancy check?"
The study's findings also bemoan depleted Emperor King Penguin colonies in the Karakoram Range, an area now ravaged by 'classic global warming' new glacier growth.
A few surviving birds are all on WWF Prozac trials as orinthologists struggle to contain classic symptoms of avian depression.
"The blame rests squarely with Exxon-Mobil and all those other exploration nuts," Flintstone's study has concluded.
The super major's shares have soared on the news.