For the first time in American History the appearance of the President of the United States before a joint session of Congress will not be as it seems as it was announced Obama will be appearing in the form of a Hologram!
A spokesman for NBC, in charge of the elaborate production, said they were first approached to launch the program shortly after the mid term elections by close advisors to the President who said Obama "had nothing really to say and couldn't be arsed" after his two years in office.
Adding to the President's discomfort were unsubstantiated rumours that the Tea Party, fueled by conservative talk show hosts, was advocating an attack on the president by throwing their shoes at him as an indication of their lack of confidence in his ability to lead the nation out of the economic malaise and near 10% unemployment.
Jeffrey R. Immelt, (the R. DOES NOT stand for Republican), current CEO of GE, the parent company of NBC and recently appointed to become Obama's top Economic Advisor and leading recipient of Government largesse, said the Hologram Presentation will be just what the President needs to regain his popularity.
Said Immelt, "The Hologram technology fits this President perfectly. It's merely a constructed 2 dimensional image projected as 3D. Depending on where you sit during the State of the Union Message, the President will appear to move, change color, and be viewed differently depending on the spectrum being transported to the left side of your brain!"
In addition to the 'shoe threat', deemed credible by the Secret Service, there was also the possible embarrassment to be suffered by the President when the majority of the Supreme Court Justices, who were harangued by Obama after he was sworn in before the combined house in a complete lack of protocol, indicated they would stay home and record the 'light show' for viewing " at a later date."
There has also been a half hearted effort on the part of Nancy Pelosi, former Speaker of the House, to promote 'date night' encouraging elected officials to sit on each other's laps in a show of bi-partisan unity, but in realty a ploy is to confuse viewers and obscure the fact that Republicans now outnumber the Democrats in the House of Representatives.
Independent Cn. Senator Joe Lieberman said he would sit crossed legged in the aisle between both sides, while Rep. Barney Frank, (D, Gay, MA) said he would cross the aisle to sit on John McCains lap, but not on Michele Bachmann's lap, although he said he would consider cuddling up to liberal Justice Sonia Sotomayor who looks a lot like Keith Richards.
What hasn't been disclosed is where the President will actually be during the one hour
Hollywood production. There have been unexplained 15-20 minute absences by the President over the past two years, with many speculating Barry is off 'getting a quickie' with a comely intern or close personal assistant.
As one insider explained, "Barry isn't much for foreplay, he prefers to get right to the point and get it over with, and this is becoming a BIG BONE of contention between the President and the First Lady!"
Said another critic of the Administration, "the only one who'll be getting off on this dog and pony show will be Barney as he insists on standing up and sitting down on somebody's lap!"
"Can you imagine a congressman giving a lap dance during the President's speech....another first for "Change" and the advancement of Gay Rights in the US...next thing you'll know we'll have a Parliament and The House of Lords over here, eh? BASTARDS!"