The pioneering Ukrainian housewife who received the world's first voicebox transplant has been shot dead by her husband. Sonya Tajikistan, who had been voiceless for thirty years as a result of Chikungunya laryngitis, received a human larynx ten days ago at Moscow University Medical Center and Emporium. After a period of rehabilitation at the famous Gromyko Gulag, she was discharged to return to her farm and see, for the first time in two weeks, her husband of forty years, Nicolai.
Shortly thereafter, police were called to the Tajikistan farm to find Sonya dead with an axe embedded in her head and Nicolai rocking in a chair beside her whittling wood. According to police reports, when asked why he killed her, he explained, "All of a sudden I am to be hearing, 'The cow to be milked, get it the mail, the garbage to throw out; go be working, pig-with-ass-of-lard...'"
Then he sighed.
"I missed my old Sonya."