KABUL & BAGDAD - Al-Qaeda, the terrorist people, have announced that they will not attack the US, UK or Europe at any time in the future.
"We now realise that there is more to life," said Bin-Laden, "We say we fighting for our Afghan brothers and sisters, yet we spend the monies on big guns and warheads. We could spends it on the water, or the infrastructure."
Of course, the NATO countries also feel bad.
"We would say that the bad guys have given up," said a NATO troops leader. "We say that this is against terrorism, but we've probably killed more Iraqi and Afghan innocents than all the terrorist attacks on Western soil put together. We've spent billions in hypocrisy. There are people becoming homeless, a recession going on... and yet we milk an already strained government for more currency signs."
Al-Qaeda and the Taliban will withdraw from any terrorist activity, and will work with NATO to form stable, democratic, fair governments in Iraq and Afghanistan. They will also convince Hezbollah and Hamas to re-enter peace talks with Israel.
"I used to be educated at a British school," said a Taliban leader, "we learnt that the League of Nations in the 1920s and 30s tried to create world peace. I hope, that we, today, will be able to fulfill that aim, nearly 90 years later. All nations must disarm, if we are to exist harmoniously. We must combat climate change. Otherwise there won't be a climate left."
The change of heart of these terrorist groups have forced the international community to condemn North Korea and China.
"If two terrorist organisations," said an Amnesty International supporter, "can give up their evil acts for good, then surely the two most asshole-like nations in the world can change too?"