In a controversial move, Jamaica is to adopt the artificial language Klingon as its official first language. The decision comes after the only speaker of the aboriginal language of Jamaica, Henry Brown, died on Monday taking with him the language of the island.
"Before the British Imperialistic Pigs came and colonised the island," said Chief High Proctor, Adam Woodhouse, "the language was Jeimaycum. However, this is solely a verbal language because it could not be written down. Tragically, nobody ever recorded any samples of Jeimaycum."
With the death of Brown the original language of the island has officially been declared extinct by the World Language Association. Woodhouse believes that this robs the island of some of its history and its uniqueness.
"Currently, our official language is English," said Woodhouse. "We wish to change this. Developing a whole new language from scratch is fraught with problems, as Esperanto found out. However, we do not wish to replace one oppressive language regime with another, like French or Spanish. We have decided to adopt Klingon instead."
Brandon Carmichael is the head of the World Klingon Federation, which provides teaching aides to those who wish to use the language invented and made popular by Star Trek. He has agreed to go to Jamaica and teach the islanders the language. All signage will undergo a phased change from English to Klingon adopting the Welsh method of running with dual signage until the day everybody is fluent, which is expected to be by 2045. Klingon will be a mandatory lesson in schools, and all public communication will be in the language.
Star Trek fans are ecstatic. Jean Luc Kirk (originally Paul Shepley), head of the Star Trek Fansite, could barely contain his excitement. "It is wonderful news," he said via satellite link. "At long last Klingon is coming out of the shadow of being fictitious. MajQa' Jamaica!"
"We shall not be adopting pasty shaped foreheads or any of the Klingon culture," said Woodhouse. "That would be plain silly."
Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam