Emerald City, Oz - The famous Scarecrow from the 'Wizard of Oz' has drowned. The brainless man of straw was observed floating down the Yellow Brick River, gulping for air, and trying to stay afloat. His battered, lifeless corpse was fished from the river a short time later. A kindly witch will turn him into a mattress, after the straw is dried.
The tragic death of the Scarecrow happened a day after the drowning deaths of the Cowardly Lion and the Tinman.
The effeminate Cowardly Lion was killed after he froze with fear when the floods came. Witnesses say the Lion pissed all over himself after a 20 meter wall of water raced through Emerald City. His body was not recovered.
The Tinman developed a fatal rust all over his body, soon after the heavy rains set in. No one cared enough about him to bother oiling him. The Emerald City floodwaters carried his frozen body to its doom. A kindly witch took the Tinman's head and made it into a beehive.
Dozens of Munchkins were also swept to their deaths, as the Yellow Brick River turned into a raging tsumani in Munchkinland. The Lollipop Guild was completely wiped out.
When Dorothy heard about the flooding in Oz, she was sitting on her porch in Kansas, watching cable TV and smoking some weed.
"I can't believe how f*cked up everybody is in Oz!" she laughed to herself. "I guess everybody was stoned there, as usual!"