Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Friday, 7 January 2011

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A Crow Eating Someone's Eyeball In Bodega Bay

San Francisco, CA - There are alarming reports of birds attacking people, coming from the small town of Bodega Bay, just north of San Francisco. Several deaths have been reported, and contact with Bodega Bay has been sketchy. The bird attacks seem to come in waves. Ornithologists believe it may be Mother Nature's 'revenge' for the bird massacre last week in Arkansas.

The attacks apparently began yesterday. Bodega Bay police report that a flock of birds attacked a children's birthday party, with some injuries reported. Crows attacked a school today, and there are reports of sea gulls attacking a seaside restaurant at this hour.

Bird watchers across the country are astonished by the events.

"This is impossible!" said ornithologist Suzanne Hitchcock. "This so-called bird war must end right now! There are over 60 billion birds just in the United States alone. We won't stand a chance!" she said with horror.

"Mother Nature is fighting back at us, and we deserve it!" said noted bird-watcher Alfred Tandy. "Humans killed the birds in Arkansas first. The birds are simply fighting back. We started this war, and we will lose it!" he said.

More late reports are coming in. San Francisco police are reporting the entire Golden Gate Bridge is covered with millions of angry, screaming crows. The National Guard has been called, and the Army has been put on alert for more attacks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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